It's super great that you want to help your pals, and forgive me if everything i say here is what you know and have already checked out, but just in case you're seeing BMR as your first step, It's not clear to me why calculating BMR is important for folks who have fundamentally a poor relationship with and knowledge of food to begin with
Thinking about obesity in terms of a calorie focus has not been proven to be too successful - there are a number of complex issues at play.
The first is motivation. There's been some very compelling research on this area, and it kinda makes sense: commitment to change has to be there. If they haven't determined for themselves that this shift is a priority and that they're ready to act, you're stuffed.
If they have made that commitment, the second thing is how to support change: it means understanding what they eat now and working with that to introduce NEW habits - cuz that's what change is about
: new habits: are they ready for fundamental habit change? or only small changes in amount of stuff rather than kind? or?
Are they keen to learn at all about better eating patterns? to learn about nutrition? so that they'll get a handle on what some of the issues are with what they're eating now, vs what they need to eat? or do they just want a menu to follow? or -
my favorite - some new habits to learn as heuristics they can rely on.
Do you have a nutrition approach ready for them? Prep for a lifetime change?
So, you can see, BMR/calories is so so so far down the list of things to check for folks who are morbidly obese. It's desire to change, motivation to change and knowledge of how to change, and a PLAN to support that change over at least a four month to two year window that needs to be in play. In other words, one of the key attributes of ongoing success, shown in a recent study tracking obese women over two years, was ongoing support. If these parts aren't in play, the best laid plans gang aft aglee in a heart beat.
If you want to test the waters around food change, you can ask them: do you want to lose weight? check ok, do you want to change your approach to eating? maybe at some point, in the next month or so, within the coming two weeks, now - that will help you gate if they're really up for it. if they're not at at least the change in the coming two weeks, they're not there.
This is not just my opinion - it's a whack of studies since the 90's on habits like smoking, drinking and weight loss, as well as studies looking at approaches to weight loss for the obese.
good luck on your mission.
mc