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Thread: Holiday fruitcakes...

  1. #1
    ad5ly is offline Senior Member
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    Smile Holiday fruitcakes...

    ...Not your liberal relatives over for the holidays from MuriBuriLand. The most un eaten/unwanted food item in the history of the world. Christmas Fruitcakes. Does anyone actually eat them? They make great door stops. These fruitcakes exist in landfills forever. Some maybe hidden deep in the ancient pyrimids of Egypt. Will cockroaches eat them? I have a great idea for that unwanted food item - ta-da! FOAM ROLLER!..hehe!!...any other ideas?...lets make this funny!!...Dennis
    rizwanyounis516 likes this.

  2. #2
    ad5ly is offline Senior Member
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    Soak the fruitcakes in kerosene and use them for fire wood?

    Use for weight filler for your DVRT sandbags?

    Donate to Fed Govt to build a secure wall on border with Mexico?

    Landscape your backyard?

    Make shoes out of them..fruitcake footwear?

    Use on roads instead of asphalt?....Hey there may be alot of money in this!!...heheh!!...Dennis

  3. #3
    Maelstrom's Avatar
    Maelstrom is offline Administrator
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    I made up a "Hardstyle" version of "fruitcake" back in 2011 and still enjoy it a lot... but it doesn't bear much resemblance to the commercial variety. It's more like a trailmix in solid form, real fruit, real nuts, that kind of thing. Really good for hikes or workshops or other long haul high energy events. Though if you take it to workshops bring extras... Oddly enough I got part of the idea from a neat cookie recipe that Nicole Du Cane posted about a zillion years ago!

    fruitcake9e.jpgIngredients

    1 1⁄2 c almond meal (I like the Bob's Red Mill kind for this)
    1⁄2 c coconut flour
    2 egg protein (2 scoops of True Protein's Egg Protein - plain)
    1⁄2 t sea salt
    1 t baking powder (Aluminum free tastes better and is better for you anyway)
    1⁄4 c cocoa powder (more for color than anything, but its always good)
    1⁄4 c honey (local if you have it)
    1⁄2 c coconut oil (melted)
    2 eggs (pastured if possible)
    2 t vanilla extract
    1⁄4 c unsweetened coconut, shredded (optional)
    1 1⁄2 c dried fruit, chopped (or 2 cups - I tend to go crazy.)
    1 1⁄2 c nuts, raw and chopped (make sure there's some pecans in there)
    12 pecan halves (for decoration if you wish)

    Instructions

    Preheat oven to 325 Degrees Fahrenheit - or if you have an "angry vintage oven" like I do, you may need to adjust accordingly.

    Ok. I sure hope you're not expecting some kinda cupcake recipe with pink sprinkles because this is the exact opposite - serve this with some Amasai and black coffee (in different containers, not mixed) and you'll have a complete meal. A "real he-man breakfast*" that doesn't involve steak and eggs. A meal to keep you going for a WHILE. Because the "dough" here as inspired by Nicole's recipe is essentially used to hold all the glorious trail mixy ingredients together.


    In a large bowl, combine the almond meal, coconut flour, cocoa powder, egg protein powder, salt and baking powder with a wire wisk.

    Egg protein powder - I like the kind from True Protein, it's very neutral flavored. You can choose to leave this out - just make sure to add a combination of almond meal and coconut flour to equal about 1/4 cup. It also doesn't matter if you use egg white protein or whole egg. A friend of mine bartered this giant 3lb canister of egg white protein and so I try to cook it into things as much as possible as I don't want it to go bad. I prefer other plain protein powders for shakes.

    Crack the eggs into another bowl, beat with your trusty fork, add in the coconut oil, the honey, vanilla extract. Mix thoroughly. You may find it easier to keep the coconut oil melted if you've let the eggs come up to room temperature before mixing them into the melted oil. Likewise don't heat the oil so much that it cooks the eggs. It's a balance - be careful with this step.

    Combine the two mixtures, don't be afraid, it'll all come out ok, I promise. Just get out your handy wire wisk and your fork. Do what needs to be done.

    Prepare the fruit - I've chosen a selection (dried bing cherries, dried pineapple, dried prunes, dried apricots) of unsweetened fruit and minced it all up pretty small. Optionally you can also chip up half a bar of dark chocolate into it too for a real treat!

    OK add it to the bowl of dough, and politely begin with a fork, but here's the deal - you'll soon find it works best to get in there and just mash it into the mix with your hands. Work quickly though because you'll make the coconut oil all melty if you have warm hands.

    Portion it into 12 muffin tins - and you can smash it into them at that point. The dough doesn't rise all that much, so you won't have to worry about it bubbling up and over or anything like that.

    By the way, don't worry about greasing the muffin tins, there's enough oil in the dough to do it for you. Technically these are baked, but what's really happening is that they're frying themselves.


    A good strategy is to divde the dough up between the tins, and then go back and add the extra - topping each off with a pecan half. Place in the oven for approx 12-15 minutes - check on them, if you bake them too hard they'll dry out, not enough and they'll be kinda... not right. You basically want to cook the egg and solidify the little cakes.

    They can be a little darker on the bottom if you wish. I like them about like this. Let them cool before storing in a sealed container on the countertop if you're going to eat them quickly, OR in the refrigerator if they may last more than a few days. These are DENSE and intense - both in terms of flavor and calories - so use accordingly - yum.

    Recipe with photos:
    Hardstyle fruitcake?!!??!??!!??!!?
    _____________________________________
    Adrienne Harvey, Senior PCC Instructor, RKC Level 2, CK-FMS, Fitness Strategist, Content Strategist
    Personal journey blog, recipes, workouts and fun:
    http://www.giryagirl.com

  4. #4
    ad5ly is offline Senior Member
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    What you got there is something that has to be alot better than what they sell at Wal-Mart. I don't know for myself, but I just don't like fruit cake a whole heck of alot. But I am sure homemade fruit cake does taste better and is healthier than processed. I see you put egg protein powder into it. Actually I eat very little if any cakes or pies during the holidays. I am usually too filled up from the dinner to feeling like eating desert. I bet your fruit cake goes good with coffee though. I do like my coffee and if I do eat pasteries or cakes its usually with a cup of coffee in the morning. My sister would be the baker in this scenerio. But she got out of surgery a few days ago to have an ovarian cyst removed - over 12lbs! She is totally out of it for the next 6 weeks. I wonder if that cyst looks like a fruit cake. God I hope not! If so, fruit cake is most def off my list FOREVER!!.hehe!!..Dennis

  5. #5
    NSmetzer is offline Senior Member
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    Attach a handle and swing. Fruitcake throw during Highland Games.

  6. #6
    ad5ly is offline Senior Member
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    Drill a hole through the middle and use them for weight plates.
    Place them around your front/backyard and house for termite monitoring stations.
    As an incentive for children to be good. Or else they get a fruitcake.
    Place in a sock and use as a club for use on unwanted intruder in your house...Dennis

  7. #7
    NSmetzer is offline Senior Member
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    Use as a new police interrogation technique or a CIA sanctioned form of torture, talk or fruitcake!

    Chalk blocks, caroler deterrent (you know, throw em at them), a new military WMD...

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